what do you want?

This doesn't have to be complicated. You want to read this, so I said you can, and now you don't want to. I don't understand. I know im complicated with what I want and don't want, but you seem to understand the underlying things behind it. but sometimes I don't understand you.. I really love you alot and I want to spent the rest of my life with you but I don't know if you're really willing to wait. I know that if I was in your position I would try to go as far as we could as fast as we could so that we were equal sexually but I really want to wait untill we're married to take that next step. I know sometimes I go too far and that's because I love you and I've never had to control myslf like that before.. but I love where we are right now and i love how comfortable you are with me, if we stay together for a long time maybe I'll give in and give you all of me but for right now I dont want to.. we havn't known eachother for that long but I've really fallen in love with you, but for me to take that next step I need to have more security that just being together for a month or whatever you say we are.. I know we're not dating but I think that courting is more serious than dating. I dont even know where Im going with this.. so I'll stop. I love you,

jesse