I've mainly just not lost my virginity because I've never really gotten the chance. with beth we were too young to get that serious, the next girl was Lainey and I never really wanted to because I knew she'd done things I didn't like. but tonight I could have. Me and Melissa were kissing in the back of my van, I dont like to say making out because that just sexualizes it and I'm not into that.  but I couldn't go all the way. I mean I love her and it felt right but I couldn't do it. I dont want to lose my virginity before I get married because I know if things dont work out it makes for a whole bunch of hurt that I dont really want. I never go into a relationship thinking it wont work but I know that sometimes it doesn't and I really hope it does I just want to be careful. It's really hard knowing I wont be able to have sex with her because I'm scared of hurting myself. it would have been so easy, it felt so right.. Im sorry Melissa, I love you but I'm not sleeping with you untill we're married, that's how it's got to be.